Christmas - not the best one for us!!!

Well... Where do I start this one??? On December 21, 2007 - our little man Chase was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. We were in the hospital for 4 days, and came home Christmas Eve. Chase is doing great - minus the pokes. But it is still very hard to go through this and to get to thinking of all the what if's and his future and what not. He is healthy and normal - as long as we do the finger sticks and insulin shots and count all his carb intake for his insulin exchange. However, I am still finding this all to be so overwhelming and painful. He is taking this all like a champ, yet as mommy, I fear that he won't have the best life or health. I know he will, because we are taking the proper care of him. It's just really hard to be fully confident that I am doing a outstanding job. I have a lump in my throat as I'm writing this.
I wonder why MY kids are put to these tests. Why me and Matt have to yet again, face challenges with another child. We lost our 1st son, and why are we now having to deal with this? Chase is the most amazing little boy ever - I'm his mom, so of course I'm gonna think that. But he is taking this so well, and shows us all the time that he's okay. I should be too. Sometimes I am. But mostly - I'm not!!! I am scared. I'm scared of him. And he's MY baby. I am grieving. I am grieving the idea of "HEALTHY" and what Chase has to go through for the rest of his life. I am also grieving for myself. I don't want to seem selfish. But I was so looking forward to next year and hopefully Chase will be potty trained for preschool and I was looking forward to some long awaited and needed freedom. Now I feel that I WILL NEVER GET IT!!! It's not like I can just leave him with someone and go out for dinner and a movie with my hubby. Not that we did that sort of thing very often anyways. But now it's the idea that we really can't. I can't do anything for just me. Not that I had opportunities to do things on my own or for me. It's the idea that all of that is lost. How can I even think of myself or even think of leaving Chase behind to do something for me? Who is going to watch my kids? No one can unless they know how to take care of a diabetic child. That requires work and lots of attention and needles and carb counting. Structure and discipline. Who the hell wants that? I don't want it! But Chase is so important to me - to us - that he is very much worth it. I just have to keep reminding myself that it could be worse, and it's better than the alternative - not having him. That is not a option that I would dare want. He is so beautiful and precious and makes my life better. And I hate this so much for him. Stupid diabetes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Makes me sick...............
I better go because I fell like I'm just being this awful mom. I feel guilty for even thinking of myself and how this makes me feel and what I'm losing as far as freedom for a few hours a day. Please pray for us as a family for strength and to get through each day - one day at a time. Pray for a cure. They are so close - but not close enough in my mind. I want it like...yesterday!
Hope your holidays were better than ours!!!
Love,
The heart broken mom - Jess

Merry Christmas from Matt, Jess & kids...

Hello and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Wow... where has the time gone? I am still trying to get over that summer just ended. I am just blown away by how fast "life" is going. I look at my babies and just try to be in the moment as much as I can. Rylie is just on the verge of starting to read, and I am so proud and excited for her, yet as Mom, also sad. I know that she is growing up and is very independant. I pulled out her new baby clothes the other week, and it was heart tugging to hold these itty bitty things up to her. She's a little lady now. So beautiful and bright... and funny. That's a Johnson thing. I admit that I don't have the funniest families. Brunettes are serious and get the bad rap for it. Oh well.

Chase is a little man and is so generous with his hugs and kisses now. He was withholding them from us for quite awhile. Now he is being this really sweet and lovey and cuddley little guy. We love it and are enjoying it b/c we do not know how long it will last. He is talking more and more each day. I'm so excited to hear what he will say next.

Matt and I have been oh so busy with Christmas parties - just for his company. Good grief already. Three weekends in a row. Then we go to San Diego in January for his annual Manager's Meeting Retreat. Looking forward to it, but always hard on mommy to leave the kiddos behind. Thank goodness my kids have 3 sets of Grandparents. Don't know what I would do without them.

I hope that this finds all of you in good health and ready for a wonderful Christmas with our little ones. Sure does make the Holidays even more fun with them. I can't wait for Christmas morning. Rylie will have a blast this year. Each year keeps getting better. The excitement from the kids makes it so much more fun for mom and dad.
Have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! We love you guys and can't wait to see all the kids together next year for the big Johnson reunion. Remember we have some partying to do - I'll be turning the big 3-0 at that time. UUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
Take care - Matt, Jess, Rylie & Chasers!!!

Texas Johnsons Checking In

Hey All,

Love the idea of being able to meet up and share some pictures on line. Nicki, I can't believe how big your kiddos are! They are adorable. Do you think that Sadie will have the blond curls too? She looks like a Johnson to me! :)

Taylor and Aubrey are doing great. Taylor is almost 3 1/2 already. She is in preschool and LOVES it. She asks every night if tomorrow is preschool. Aubrey is diving into toddler hood and I feel like we have hit the 2's a little early (she is 1 1/2) - I won't say terrible, because she is my baby - but I will say she is challenging.

Justin and I are doing great as well. Getting used to Texas and enjoying the very mild winter we are having. Today its 80! We love where we are living - the area has a lot of trees, walking paths, parks and shopping... There is every single store you could ever want within 10 miles - well I take that back - we aren't closed to Costco... :)

Justin has a long commute to work which is the only downside about where we live. He rides the bus though and its nice to have time to read or sleep - so at least he is refreshed when he arrives home to his girls (all three VERY excited to have him home). He likes his job and has gotten several opportunities to travel and see wind farms in all states of completion, factories where parts are made and future sites. The company is treating him very well. I think he finds the work rewarding - so that makes him happy - which makes me happy. :)

I am busy with the kids - they really keep me busy. Good busy. I sometimes wonder what I have actually gotten done at the end of the day, but that is when I am grading myself on how clean my house is or my list of things to do... in truth, I feel like the opportunity to be home with them right now is priceless and by just being with them I am doing my job - and when I am looking around my messy house, I repeat that over and over. :) I have found time to do a triathlon (not the really long, hard ones, but a sprint triathlon) with my good friend who lives about an hour from me. We had a blast and plan to do another in March. I am finding time to read some books, work in our yard, ride my bike... mom does get out!

Well, that's what is up with us these days. We, too, have a family blog, http://tjtajohn.spaces.live.com/. I try to post once a month or so with new pics of our adventures!

Happy Turkey Day to everyone! Enjoy the holidays!

Tiffini, Justin, Taylor and Aubrey - the Texas Johnsons

Hello Again from the Morton's

I am so excited to see the post from Jess! Way to go! You may be new to "blogging" but it won't take long until you get the hang of it!
We (the Morton's....Nicki Johnson) live in Wauwatosa, WI (right by Milwaukee). We originally moved out here for a job with Kohl's (the department store...love it!). Now, and for the last two years, Jake has worked for Harley-Davidson. No, we don't have a bike yet. With three kids under age three; and Jake attending the Kellogg School of Business at Northwestern University in Chicago; we don't have the time to "ride" now. Sadly....
I'm still a stay-at-home mom and don't rent out chocolate fountains anymore. (Again, it's a problem with that "short on time" thing) We just bought a cute, old house...which also seems to be sucking up any extra time and money. So, guess we'll have to "ride" later.
Here's the latest pic of our three kiddies...you can also check out my blog at mortoncheeseheads.blogspot.com!
By the way, if someone has a current email address for Grandma, please let me know! I think she will really enjoy this. I think I also need Craig and John...

Hi...

Hi to the Johnson Families...
I am completely new to "blogging." So I have some researching and messing around with this thing to get the hang of it. Anyways, this is Jessica - Matt's wife.
We are all doing great. Matt works for the family business still and is busy as the District Manager. He travels often. We are used to it, just don't have to like it.
Rylie is 4 1/2 years old now, and is in her 2nd year of preschool. What a smartie pants she is. We are working on getting her ready to start reading. She goes to the "Big School" next year (Kindergarten). She just finished up soccer and did pretty good. She is not a sports enthusiast - she has informed me that she is a "Ballerina!" So we are currently awaiting for the info to get her started in that. She dresses as a Ballerina everyday at home anyways. But she is ready for it...
Chase is a two year old little boy. Need I say more! He boggles me each and everyday as I have never been a little boy, so everything he does, I'm like "what the heck is he doing?" Rylie - I get it... Chase is starting to talk more and more each day. Little boys take longer to talk and understand. Rylie was saying her ABC's clear as day and perfectly before she was two. Chase won't even attempt to say his own name. But we are getting there and enjoying having a girl and a boy - both are HEALTHY!!! And after losing our 1st baby, we know we are blessed to have two healthy ones at home.
We are doing soooo good, and really feel that life can't get any better. We are just trying to be a "normal" family raising two children and hoping that we are instilling good and lasting morals and values. Only time will tell, and I hope no tv show calls me up because I messed my kid up. :)
Well, hope this finds all of the extended family happy and healthy...
Take care - Matt, Jess, Rylie & Chase Johnson

Johnson Family Blog

Hello One and All;

I still am in the process of gathering email addresses for everyone, so please contribute what you have. I just started "blogging" and I am hooked on it. It's a great way to communicate and share thoughts and pictures and what you are doing. I love to hear about my family, especially my cousins and their adorable kids; but sadly living life makes it difficult to keep up. I was hoping this could be a place where we can all post pictures and share more about what's going on. I have a link on this blog to the blog that I started for me and my sisters, just to give you an idea of what we are doing (if you aren't familiar with "blogging"). If you do have a blog for your family, I'd love to see it! Keep in touch! We'll be posting pictures soon!

Love,

Nicki